Language rules us all, language brings us together, and language can bind us. Words are what we use to communicate and relate to one another. Language is the basis of culture. At the same time, when we donāt share a common language, it is the force that divides us.
On office days, I like to go around the bakeries in China Town to get pastries for breakfast. I always try to order in Chinese. It was a little awkward at first but Iām getting better at it.
Most of the locals in China Town are originally from Canton or Hong Kong. I donāt really speak Cantonese but I know phrases. I have my dim sum Cantonese and I know a few of the other foods too. So, my first time ordering in China Town, I ordered in Cantonese-ish Mandarin. I said something along the lines of: āäøååē§å ā but the āäøåā part was in Mandarin and the āåē§å ā was in Cantonese so the lady just kinda looked at me like WTF. When it came time to pay, she said the price in Cantonese which I didnāt pick up on at all, so I just gave her $5 and hopped for the best. Now-a-days, I just order in Mandarin. I still get tripped up time to time because Iām more used to saying certain words in Cantonese but Iām getting better.
At another bakery, the lady at the counter greeted me in English, but I was determined to practice. She kinda gave me the āwhat?ā look but I got that transaction more cleanly.
Iām practicing Chinese again. Last year, with my primary language exchange partner (my Mom) gone, I got rusty but Iām building it back up.
About a month ago, I went to a club with my best friends girl friend. Itās an interesting experience, hanging out with my friendās girl friend (whose also my friend) one on one but thatās a story for another time. I had to check in my bag so I was talking to the coat check lady and she surprised me by chatting me up in Mandarin. She was from Hong Kong and was learning Mandarin, so she would take any opportunity to practice. After that, any time I would go down stairs for the bathroom, Iād come and talk to her a bit.
At the end of the night, she opened up to me and told me that her brother had recently died from an over-dose. I really wonder what made her feel comfortable enough to share that with me. We were only strangers that shared a language in common. Perhaps language is enough to feel a bond with someone else, especially in a foreign land.
In contrast, language also blocks me from bonding with my grandmother. She speaks Cantonese; I canāt speak much Cantonese. We try to talk in Mandarin with sprinkled Cantonese words but in my 24 years, I still havenāt had a meaningful conversation with her. Sometimes I wonder what stories she might have that Iāve never heard before. At one point, I heavily considered studying in Hong Kong for a summer to learn Cantonese but that fell through.
I did study in Taipei for a summer to learn Mandarin. Living in Taipei is a little bizarre for me. I look like a local but the way I dress gives away my American heritage. I can get by okay with speaking but my literacy is terrible.
Speaking Chinese or Spanish makes me really self conscious. It was nerve wracking the first time I ordered in Chinese at those China Town bakeries. From time to time, I consider ordering in Spanish at a Taco truck but I stop myself because I feel like Iāll embarrass myself. At least I look the part when I speak Chinese. I feel like the Mexican cashier will just smile and reply in English.
I wonder if itās demeaning to speak someones native language to them in the States. To me, it feels like Iām treating them as if they donāt speak English.
The English language is one of the many ways that minorities and immigrants experience discrimination in the US. There is an episode of Planet Money called āForging Taiwanās Silicon Shieldā that talks about how Taiwanese Electrical Engineers felt that they could never move into managerial roles in the States because their English wasnāt good enough. To get that opportunity to move up, they had to move back to Taiwan to participate in the semiconductor boom.
My mom sometimes voices the same concerns of losing opportunity due to a language barrier. Sheās thought about getting a PhD before. Iāve encouraged her too, I think sheās fully capable of it, but she wonāt. She says her English isnāt good enough. Itās unfortunate that sheād deny herself the opportunity but thatās her reality.
I suppose thatās how I feel in Taiwan. I can get by but I feel limited in what I can and canāt do. I wanted to go to concerts in Taipei but my Chinese isnāt good enough to figure out showtimes and ticket purchases. I want to rent an apartment but Iād never be able to read the whole lease agreement. I want to make friends and meet locals but my Chinese isnāt good enough to have meaningful conversations. Thatās probably all in my head though. If I can befriend the coat check lady at the club, I should be able to do all that and more.